in seanachai

Indirect Television

An ad for a remarkable new media product that can make you smarter and save you time and money.

Those of you who have been with me for a while know that I don’t really endorse products. I’ve never had advertising on this podcast. Well, that changes today. Because today I want to talk to you about a content delivery service that I whole-heartedly believe in.

Indirect Television

Yes, friend and listener, if you are listening to my voice now chances are you are good candidate for the life changing benefits of indirect television. Allow me to briefly explain how it works, and I think you’ll be converted.

Right now, you have some kind of cable or stream of content piped into your home. And, as it happens, you are paying for this content. Cutting a check to Comcast, Time Warner or whatever media conglomerate for painful amounts of money each month.

Step one. Stop. Stop right now. Because you are paying for an inefficient, outmoded delivery system. Direct Television, is a media compromise that no one can love.

Take, for example a history channel documentary. You know, one of the one’s where they keep showing Ken Burn shots of the same three pictures of Lincoln, and intercutting between the same two interviewees. It’d take you, what, maybe 10 minutes to read a transcript of that episode? And most of it you wouldn’t really be interested in.

So here’s what I suggest. If someone tells you about a great documentary about the Battle of New York — don’t watch it directly. That just wastes time. No, just look it up on wikipedia and spend the remaining 45 minutes of that hour of you life doing something else. This way, you can consume up to four times the content in the same hour.

Or you can go four to five times as deep. An hour skimming an actual book on the Middle East will give you exponentially more information than spending an hour in front of a History Channel docudromedary on the Camel, schooner of the desert.

Or just do nothing — a highly underrated skill in our distracted age.

But, you say, I am worried about missing the big game? Do what everybody else does, watch the highlight reel on ESPN . com. They only show you the good parts any way.

Or go out of your house, to an actual sports bar with actual sports people. It’s more fun that way. And you can talk to actual people while, while watching television, indirectly.

Well, I think you get the idea. If you have cable, cut it. If you have a dish, use it to toss salad greens, but whatever you do, don’t directly watch television. This obnoxious, information-poor, propaganda-filled medium, just isn’t worth your time and certainly isn’t worth your money.

By all means, watch your favorite shows. But stream them or buy them, and watch them all at once. Anyone who trickles content out on a timeline that doesn’t fit your schedule — anyone who thinks of you — an actual living, breathing human being in close relation to terms like “audience segmentation” — cover your ears darlin’ — an asshole. And you shouldn’t give them any more of your money or attention than absolutely necessary.

So sign up for indirect television, today. A medium that truly costs you less and gives you more. So please, call now, uninstallers are standing by.

  • Gillsing

    The internet is already keeping me too busy to watch TV. So I haven’t had one for eight years now. Not getting anything done though. The internet is keeping me too busy.

    • PatrickEMcLean

      Yeah, I know what you mean. I wish I had time to reply to this comment.